We promised to give you our own versions of Pagan Pride Day. I honestly had no idea what to expect. How do you prepare for something your not even sure you are ready for? What do you look forward to? Hell, What do you wear? (of course this is my question, I am a extreme fashionista!) All of these questions aside I was a combination of feelings as Saturday approached. As we drove through Gate 5 all sorts of things flitted through my mind, I was nervous, excited and in awe all at the same time. When we dropped our cans in the box and got our wristbands, well my one thought was, Oh shit am I actually PAGAN enough to fit in here?
It turns out I was! Granted my dress which would have caused me to at least stand out some in a normal crowd was quite, shall we say, demure compared to several of the other outfits. But this did not disturb me at all. There were people dressed in outfits I could only dream of! Well enough of my obsessed fashion sense. I spent the first few hours amazed at what was going on around me. I ate Agave Honey and wandered through all the tents. I watched Li buy a few things but didn't feel the pull towards anything. Not yet at least.
We found a place to have my tarot read. It was slightly odd to me. I am a beginner reader myself. I just have this feeling this pull about the cards. But I still keep a book on them every time I pull just to be sure I know what I am doing. Now knowing this, you would think I would have had my cards read before right? WRONG. I was amazed at her talents. There were things she was asking me that no one here knew but Li. I think the most intriguing thing she had to tell me was how important it was for me to open up. How important it was for me to let in the one person who is always there for me. Then looking at my cards, she kinda laughed and asked me who fit that description. Lili. I don't quite know how to explain how we are connected. I just know that I have always known her, even though I didn't meet her until high school. But this is a different tale for another time. After my cards were read she read Li's. Once again our friendship came up. This woman was amazed at our bond. Please understand there is nothing more than friendship between us, though we often asked on that matter. Li's tarot is not a story for me to tell so I will not. I will let you know that after having mine read there was a weight lifted of my shoulders. I was worried about my venture to where I am now. I no longer have any fear on the matter of my choices, just fear on how to make sure I survive. I know in the end I will. I thank Diane for making my fears lessen and by confirming things I needed to confront and control.
After the tarot I wanted something done that was unique for me. In my intro to myself I informed you a little on my bloodline. I saw Azurae Windwalker and had my soul Portrait done.
I wanted this due to my Native American Heritage. Now I am not going to explain what all of these things mean. Just know that they prove things I thought I always knew. Things I thought people would think I was crazy for telling them I could do. Things I have yet to write about for that reason. I will now because I know I am safe. Before long you will get a blog on why I have green and teal stripes on this picture. Why there is a black crow and why there is that triangle thing in the middle. I feel that they require a blog of their own. I was glad to hear the things I did. I was proud of what I found out.
I have never found a niche. A place where I fit in. Going to Pagan Pride actually gave me that. I was always the girl right on the edge, that didn't always get the jokes and got whispered about behind her back. I finally felt good. I finally found a place where I was normal. Don't get me wrong I love being abnormal. But we were asked in closing ritual Saturday to pick one word to describe what you felt or found here at pagan pride day. I heard several good ones as I walked up, Fellowship, Friends, Love but mine I couldn't shout. I couldn't shout because it wasn't meant to be shouted, It was meant to be carried away in the wind for the Goddess to breathe in, FREEDOM. For once in my life I felt completely free. I had nothing to hold me back, no fears to tie me down. So today I will tell you I am basking in my new found glory. Have I come out and claimed to be Pagan or Wiccan? No. Yet I see the door of my closet opening a little farther. I hear the Goddess calling back to me Freedom and I smile.
